I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING THAT'S PURE AND GOOD AND FLUFFY IN THE WORLD!
- Ansie de Klerk from Swartruggens ignored this e-mail for an hour and was struck down with one of the worst cases of Chlamydia ever recorded! After ignoring this e-mail for a further two hours, her terribly infectious, sexually transmitted disease morfed into it's much-feared, dreaded hybrid, chlamidophyla felis, and spread among her 11 cats like a Land Rover full of Boere through a Soweto whorehouse at the Currycup-Final. (which is quite surprising, [for the cats that is, not the Boere], since the disease can only transmit during 'vaginal, anal or oral sex' according to Wikipedia. Poor pussies.)
Eventually, after totally dissing this TOTALLY NOT A SCAM! mail for the entire afternoon, Ansie de Klerk from Swartruggens
DIED!!!
DO YOU WANT TO DIE?
- Kelebogile Mogorotsi from Marabastad sent this e-mail to 8 people in her contacts list. (that's right! they don't have to be friends, or even family. Just send the bloody thing to that kind lady at the Blackberry Offices who keeps sending those phony e-mails promising free phones; or that website pestering you to increase your penis-size/breast-size/any-other-knobbly-bit size by at least 25% guaranteed; or your local church bible-study cell group; or whomever you choose...)
Anyway, so Kelebogile forwarded her mail, and marvelous things started happening to her!
She was INSTANTLY cured from a long-suffering, socially damning yeast-infection!
Within three days after forwarding this TOTALLY NOT A SCAM! e-mail, she was invited to be part of the very select guest-audience of the game-show Road2Riches on SABC2, which airs on Saturdays right before the LIVE LOTTO-draw show! (she might not have won anything, but still, she was THERE people!!!).
But all these pale in comparison to what was in store for Kelebogile Mogorotsi from Marabastad, EXACTLY ONE WEEK AFTER she forwarded this TOTALLY NOT A SCAM! mail to JUST EIGHT PEOPLE in her contacts list!!!!!!
Exactly one week after reading this mail, Kelebogile traveled to Khayelitsha to visit with her sister (another fortunate recipient of this amazing magical chain-letter [testimonial available on request]). Upon her arrival, having searched the whole morning, she found the only covered public toilet in the whole of Khayelitsha! Even though that in itself is enough reason for you to forward this mail to at least EIGHTY PEOPLE IN YOUR CONTACTS LIST, it is what she found inside this toilet which truly PROVES, UNEQUIVOCALLY and BEYOND DOUBT that this chain-letter works!
What did she find, you ask?
Don't, I'll tell you:
ONE HUNDRED TRILLION (zim)DOLLARS!
DO YOU WANT TO BE CURED OF THAT YEAST INFECTION?
DO YOU WANT TO APPEAR ON ROAD2RICHES?
DO YOU WANT ONE HUNDRED TRILLION DOLLARS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
HERE'S WHAT YOU DO:
Take a deep breath, stand up, and say the following words out loud (regardless of whether you are surrounded by an office of people.)
"I will never again forward senseless chain-mail to the original composer of this mail regarding a) things he could win (cell-phones; money; spiritual enlightenment), b) possible causes he might want to stand for (world-peace; hunger; thirst) or c) any other offers with attachments of pictures of children, little flowers, funny cats etc. I know that if I do, the STD-gnomes will visit me in the night and do unspeakable things to my unspeakables."
Now pick up the nearest pen in your right hand, and jab it forcefully into your left eye-socket.
Sit down, and forward this TOTALLY NOT A SCAM! mail to at least 8 people in your contacts list, vowing to never forward any such type of mail to any group of 8 people whomsoever in your contacts list EVER A-FUCKING-GAIN!!! DO YOU GET FUCKING IT?
Finally, and this is cardinal, kindly send a copy to a ninth recipient, Amanda Lee, Blackberry's Marketing Manager: amanda.lee@blackberry.com.
IGNORE this mail any and all things that could be aggressed upon you within the next two weeks, will be.
COMPLY, and one hundred trillion z dollars will be paid into your account within 24 hours (somehow).
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